Mengapa Malu Menjadi Indonesia

Bertahan tak pernah mudah
Hanya mendamba keberanian untuk maju
Mimpi tak berujung
Seolah perbedaan menjadi tembok penghalang

Siapa aku?
Menapak di atas tanah manis yang diasingkan
Justru menghina bangsa ini
Untuk apa aku disini
Jika bumi yang kupijak tak bisa kuindahkan

Demi Tuhan, siapa bangsa ini?
Dibangun di atas darah
Berdiri di bawah semangat
Tapi kini hidup di samping kemunafikan

Jika Indonesia hanya sebuah nama
Maka tubuh ini hanya tulang berbungkus daging
Tapi Indonesia adalah harapan
Karena akulah pemuda

Sedikit janji, sedikit harapan, sedikit mimpi, dengan masa depan besar
Bagi mereka yang tulang dan darahnya dirajut semangat untuk Indonesia

Miracle's On The Way

I've been searching for something in this life.
I'm still thinking about something vague.
I'll be something for this world.
Something I don't even know.
Something I still wondering what it is.

But I knew, God made me for one, or maybe million, small thing.
But I knew, God let me FIND those small things.
But I knew, God arrange my way.
No doubt, I really believe he sent me miracle all the time. I just didn't realize it.

What happened, what's happening, and what will happen, I dont care. As long as I know I'm still living and being me. I'll ready to make a brighter future because God said so about human that we are created for one mission, develop this world until it's being greater and more promisable to be lived.

I curious sometimes, what's in my head? I'm changing all the time. My mood is going up and down fast. Throw me to the fact that I'm just human. I make sins. I do bad things. But still, I'm the absolute owner of my life until I die someday.

People, you know you worth to be living. Why punish yourself for being nothing. For having a thing, there should be nothing. Be good and try to be better. There's no punishment for living. There's just punishment for them who live disgusting.

I want to be good, better, and be someone someday somewhere somehow I ready to be, according to God's plan.

Shit but Sweet

No shit what sweet. But I got my shit what sweet in this case.

I have too many things to do these fucking busy days. Yeah, too many. Let's make a list. (Oh, how I miss a list!)

1. School
2. Tests
3. Tasks
4. Homeworks
5. Lessons outside school
6. Some HOME works (my last maid quits. Poor.)

Well, maybe it's just a SIX-LIST. But when you go on your life with that SIX-LIST, you'll feel terrible. Yeah, it's terrible enough for me now. And those are what I call it shits.

Don't say : "Well, college life is more suck than yours". "Work is worse." "Unemployee is nothing terrible comparing to yours." NO NO NO ! Please don't say any comment or words what comparing my lists to yours. It's different.

First, UNFORTUNATELY, I'm just a messy, silly, 17 years old girl. I've never felt college life, working to earn money, nor being you. It's just my list, my business, and my terrible days.

I know, when life's moving on, everything will be worse and messier. But for me now, my days are unstoppable, even for making up my dirty and untidy room !

Back to the topic. These shits, I mean, these routine isn't killing me like usual. I feel it sweet. I really feel like I'm in a tournament. If I fall, I'll fail. If I keep running, I'll win. It's conditionals and depends on me. I love it. Really.

That's my first "REASON". The second reason is, I've been being so sweet in school. I do every tasks, well done in every single tests, and I got my schedule messy but still OK. I feel like I'm living. Idk, when was the last time you feel as your dream and your future went along together and you're near to it.. It's my opinion and wishes now :)

As A Daughter, I REALLY Love You.

Sometimes I hate the way I think about my parents. While I never try to realize how strong they survive to make me being " someone" someday. I angry to them. I hate them. I talk behind them. Then what? Hurt them? Yeah, I did.

Sometimes I realize how bad my thoughts.But I just cannot change it. It insists me to be as I want to be. Worse, I let it grow in my life casually. Again, YEAH, casually.

I realize that Mom hold me close to her. Either my daddy does. But they try to figure out what am I and who I am. They let me free to arrange everything in my life. Still, I keep begging to get more from them. Even though they hardly give it to me, but still they manage to fulfill my wishes.

Well, I'm just a daughter whom figure an actor as a daddy is cool. I'm just a daughter whom think a fashionable mom is great. I'm just a girl whom think money could buy everything. I'm just a girl whom hate the rules and requirement. I'm just a girl whom wanna success without any work. Stupid.

Once, I found myself crying out loud in the night. Just because of broken heart.
Once, I found myself surrender. Just because of my suck school schedule and I failed on it.
Once, I found myself rude and weird. Just because I don't have a glamour life.
Sometimes, I realize how fool I am.
Sometimes, too rarely to happen.
Then I found myself behaving just like how worst I've done.

Dear them who love me since I haven't came to this world yet,
So sorry to make you disappointed many times. So sorry for doing such as a damn-fool girl. So sorry for keep telling that I'm right and you do wrong. So sorry for acting as I AM mature when I AM not. So sorry for let you into my trouble and have the responsible for it.

I just cant stand how I really want to be mature soon. I just cant stand how I want to be MORE when I know I cant. I just cant stand alone. :')

Art Imitates Life

I really believe that art have been imitating human's life for ages. And there's nothing could stop it.
People have an art feeling, even it's just a little pieces of theirs. People choose colors, people choose the arrangements, people choose attitudes just like their style. They made their own taste. They do art, even it's not by a flying color crayon, digital media, or anything art expressing. But they still love to make their own art.

In this case, I'm one who feel this continuity of art. I do blogging and I love fashion. Art is the most inspirational to attach writing on my blog and mix my style of fashion. World's turning, and art cannot be stop.

L must be before F

In alphabetical order, L is after F right? So. sometimes people should break both the rule and the composition of the composition. Let's put L before F. And do by L before you do by F.

L's here means Logic. And F means Feeling. How to order Logic before Feeling when there's no an actual composition. It's just my formula (again), anyway. Don't argue,please? Haha.
Actually, I'm normal girl who uses her feeling more often than her logic. I have brain for sure, but I don't use it frequently. Not only because of my emotion but also because my hormone. *running-away-from-the-responsibility kekekeke.

Mostly, girls always have this habit. Although they do realize,but they just deny the fact. They keep going with her feeling and act like what her emotion control her. Boys, even not as many as girls but they also have this habit sometimes even theory said that hormone of boys control their masculinity, not their femininity. But everyone seemed easy to come across with their intuition of feeling. Who's not?

I've learned many times about this. Could people handle their emotion while everything's going bad? And how to make it real. Nothing's way out. Everything is handled by people itself.

But,actually. It's your wisdom to make your decision between Logic and Feeling. My opinion, L must be the first you choose. Than try to control your F. Dont let F out of your control before you hold the L's theory and practical. Your life must be brighten up. It what I've done, not at all but yeah it helps.

Peace In YOU

I love my days even it's suck.
I got a note book for my mathematics subject and I realized how it meant to me so much :) Wow, you should say that i'm insane for having such an idiot enlightenment from just A BOOK ! Yeah, it's me myb. But it quoted words what said that "PEACE always there in YOU"

I believe IT. I want to believe IT. I try to believe IT.

You should know, how much i love freedom. And you should guess, how big i love it.
I try to be defensive when I say, I love my life. But I really objected if someone said that life is hard. Life is easy, as easy as what you think about it. While you think it's hard, how it come to be. It's easy. The difficulty is how to make yourself think that your life is beautiful in your own way. If you don't care how to be grateful for what you got, and you'll come up with every sorrow and disappointment.

Well, i'm normally normal. That's why I also feel the same way when a disappointment, sorrow, and lost came up into my life. Despite my normality, I should know what was going not so well is just for letting me tougher and mature.

So how's your life going? Do you mess yourself up and make yourself feel worse than how it should be? Or you let yourself up and make everything's better by your prayer and action?

No POST for weeks

I'm so sorry. But I'm really in the hardest time and worst mood ever. I think I'll cease to post for weeks. I hope I'll come back soon :)

Quotes Of Another Day

"A teacher is able to bring someone to join a class.
But not each teacher is able to make a class learn,
even if only one of them."
"Seorang guru bisa membawa seseorang masuk ke dalam sebuah kelas.
Tetapi tidak semua guru bisa membuat sebuah kelas belajar,
bahkan apabila hanya satu diantara mereka."

These words according to what was Hellen Keller's said. It's just a little remake of mine.
If you couldn't find any worth teacher for you, you have to start being a teacher for yourself.
Whereas if you can't make yourself study, how others would?

Back To Routine

This is it. Back To Routine.

I don't know how to say whether I like or not, I'm amazed for going through a month of my holiday miserably. I don't know how to express whether I happy or sad, I'm excited to death for welcoming my last year of school. I don't know anything about my feeling. It doesn't matter if it will be like this just for a moment initially. But from now on, I think I could make a better life of mine.

Why?
**Because I got a very unexpected class for a year
**Because campus life will be welcomed soon !
**Many because, but it was just a small pieces causes. I don't really mind :D

Well, back to the topic.
Another routine. I got a very dense schedule for this year.
School - Private Lessons - Another Private Lessons - School's Suck Things (remember : tasks and tests) - Another Activities - Private Lesson - And Another MORE !
Something that sometimes made me thinking how will I go through all of this routine?
Hmm, no idea. Everything will be fine when you try to be thinking it will :)
Well, I'll try.

I think I should congrate you, anyway..
Welcome to ANOTHER SCHOOL LIFE.
Hope you'll get ANOTHER SCHOOL SWEET MEMORIES.

Well, I've been watching a lot of korean serial drama. A LOT !
And some of them are really great.
So, this collection of dramas will cheer my days up eventually.